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Memo to DSCC Staffers

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Didn’t get much sleep last night, did you?

That sure went from zero to sixty in a day, and now a Washington Post editorial? And Michelle Malkin?

Don’t let the Post editorial calm you down. You know that the phrase a “pair of twenty something operatives” doesn’t even begin to describe what’s been going on around there. Wait until Mark Kennedy and Katherine Harris check their credit bureaus for unathorized release of credit reports. Wait until Senator Burns finds out what the team was up to.

The nation’s political press has always loved a good scandal, especially when the target is a big name like Schumer. Shucky Chucky is the new Tricky Dick, and the hurricane season is almost over and the SCOTUS nominees aren’t very exciting. Dirty tricks –that’s exciting. And felonious as well!

A couple of points.

First, write down this number: 202-974-5600. That’s the number for Chadbourne & Parke in DC, where you can reach Abbe Lowell. Lowell’s a bit busy right now, but he is the city’s best bet for criminal defense and he’ll get you into competent hands within the firm. It is best to be the first one to the firm before conflicts kick in. Bring your wallet. Probably dad’s wallet, if you are young staffer in over your head. In fact, you’d better tell dad right now. It isn’t what he signed you up for, and he’s going to pretty ticked that Schumer’s gotten you into this mess, but it is better to tell him now rather than wait for the storm to pass over.

Point 2: Don’t let a hometown lawyer advise you on what to do. That never works out well. If Lowell is taken, drop me a note at There are some fine alternatives.

The key of course is to get the inquiry focused above you as soon as possible. If the FBI gets interested in the boss, they won’t be bothering you much, except for the goods on the boss. If you don’t have the bank account or the parents as a backup, consider the startegy of sending the feds to the right place asap. Did you keep any e-mails or hear any interesting dicussions of the Steele deal? Pick a good source, head over to the library for a new yahoo account, and e-mail me, or Michelle, or any of the Powerline guys at the same time as you send a note off to a Post reporter or two. If it is a bunch of stuff, spread it around a bit at a time. If it is a trail, put Ed Morrissey to work.

The key is to scent the trail away from you. Sure, you aren’t proud of what you have been up to, but no one told you that using social security numbers to gather data was a felony for goodness sakes. How were you supposed to know that? Or the other stuff? And then you deleted the files and now that looks like obstruction. It got ugly in a hurry didn’t it? And now all those closed door meetings and the shouting.

Don’t quit. That’s not a good move. Better to stay close and keep your ears open. You leave and all of a sudden folks are going to be pointing the fingers at you.

Two last things: First, when the FBI calls, decline to talk to them without an attorney present. Really, they can be very sweet, but they are not your friends. You need an attorney. Yesterday.

Second, Senator Schumer is not your friend. He has no friends except Senator Schumer. Only a matter of time until he throws everyone under the bus. He’s a tough guy, the new Nixon, remember? And he doesn’t owe you a thing, and you don’t owe him a thing.

Oh, I forgot. Ambien.


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